The power of diplomacy is so strong that it can turn old time enemies into friends and long term partners. Let me share with you an experience of Dale Carnegie. There is this story shared by Dale Carnegie about the author of Little Women, Louisa May Alcott. In his own words ‘Naturally, I knew she had lived and written her immortal books in Concord, Massachusetts. But, without thinking what I was saying, I spoke of visiting her old home in Concord. New Hampshire.
If I had said New Hampshire only once, it might have been forgiven.
But, alas and alack! I said it twice, I was deluged with letters and telegrams, stinging messages that swirled around my defenseless head like a swarm of hornets. Many were indignant. A few insulting.
One Colonial Dame, who had been reared in Concord, Massachusetts, and who was then living in Philadelphia, vented her scorching wrath upon me. She couldn't have been much more bitter if I had accused Miss Alcott of being a cannibal from New Guinea. As I read the letter, I said to myself, "Thank God, I am not married to that woman."
I felt like writing and telling her that although I had made a mistake in geography, she had made a far greater mistake in common courtesy. That was to be just my opening sentence. Then I was going to roll up my sleeves and tell her what I really thought.
But I didn't. I controlled myself. I realized that any hotheaded fool could do that - and that most fools would do just that.
I wanted to be above fools. So I resolved to try to turn her hostility into friendliness. It would be a challenge, a sort of game I could play. I said to myself, "After all, if I were she, I would probably feel just as she does." So, I determined to sympathize with her viewpoint. The next time I was in Philadelphia, I called her on the telephone. The conversation went something like this:
ME: Mrs. So-and-So, you wrote me a letter a few weeks ago, and I want to thank you for it.
SHE: (in incisive, cultured, well-bred tones): To whom have I the honor of speaking?
ME: I am a stranger to you. My name is Dale Carnegie. You listened to a broadcast I gave about Louisa May Alcott a few Sundays ago, and I made the unforgivable blunder of saying that she had lived in Concord, New Hampshire. It was a stupid blunder, and I want to apologize for it. It was so nice of you to take the time to write me.
SHE : I am sorry, Mr. Carnegie, that I wrote as I did. I lost my temper. I must apologize.
ME: No! No! You are not the one to apologize; I am. Any school child would have known better than to have said what I said. I apologized over the air the following Sunday, and I want to apologize to you personally now.
SHE : I was born in Concord, Massachusetts. My family has been prominent in Massachusetts affairs for two centuries, and I am very proud of my native state. I was really quite distressed to hear you say that Miss Alcott had lived in New Hampshire. But I am really ashamed of that letter.
ME: I assure you that you were not one-tenth as distressed as I am.
My error didn't hurt Massachusetts, but it did hurt me. It is so seldom that people of your standing and culture take the time to write people who speak on the radio, and I do hope you will write me again if you detect an error in my talks.
SHE: You know, I really like very much the way you have accepted my criticism. You must be a very nice person. I should like to know you better.
So, because I had apologized and sympathized with her point of view, she began apologizing and sympathizing with my point of view, I had the satisfaction of controlling my temper, the satisfaction of returning kindness for an insult. I got infinitely more real fun out of making her like me than I could ever have gotten out of telling her to go and take a jump in the Schuylkill River.' That's the power of diplomacy. Yes, it can actually turn old enemies into new friends and partners.
--
Comments
Post a Comment